hair dyeing

A group of us were reviewing hair colors.

B : You know, we could do special FX hair...such that a fiery redhead really would BE a fiery red head.

Tom : I want flaming body hair.

B : That's a quote.

Pickup...

Tom : Aw, listen to this...I have a great pickup line.

B : What's that?

Tom : You go up to a chick, and say, look at my hand, see how smooth it is? Wanna touch it?

Tom : They probably would, touch it. Then they'd go "Whoa, that is smooth, what's wrong with you?" And then they'd probably follow you home.

B : ...

i got hands...in pocket

Tom : You interest me, B.

B : Why is that?

Tom : You've got your hands in your pockets.

B : okay...so why is that interesting?

Tom : It feels spacious in there.

B : How would you know?!

hair

Tom : I don't quite like Hair. I mean, I prefer Faces. Well, it's not like Hair is actually bad, it's better than weapons.

cheese...

Tom : I like cheese; I don't know much about it but I just keep eating it because it tastes good.

Nappy Fashion II!

Tom : OH! I have a good idea.

B : All gold begins with that phrase!

Tom : You know how nappies are all fat and stuf. What we need is sexy nappies! A g-string nappy... that would ROCK!

Tom : What you want is style...so it could change color when it gets wet...and cartoon characters could pop out!

M : For adults or children?

Tom : Both!

Nappy Fashion

M is a slim blond swedish beanpole.

Tom : M, you would look good wearing nappies.

M : Whuh whuh whuh?!

Tom : Nappy, you know, a diaper.

When asked to explain...

Tom : Well, you know you look really thin and you're leaning back, and there's like a big bulge there and it would look really good.

happy quotes

Tom : My quotes never really make any sense, they just make you feel good. Like "My hood is good." That's one of my quotes.

good morning

Tom : Good morning.
J or A : Good morning.
Tom : You're always here. You're like the building. The building is your son.

hugh grant?

Grant is standing outside smoking a cigarette...along comes Tom.

Tom : Yeah, I don't like Hugh Grant.

Grant (smokers voice) : I don't like you much either Tom!

subtle yet pun

two penises or two vaginas?

While discussing and indian man born with two penises...the conversation turned to the possibility of a woman with two vaginas.

Tom : It would be bad... Which one, which one!? aaaaagh.

red underwear

Tom : I had a thought the other day ... about people wearing red underwear. I can't remember now. ... there was a reason why they should ... I can't remember. Oh, you're quoting me now?

oh Karl Pilkington...Tom's Hero...

Tom : Do you have any "I could eat a knob at night" remixes shared locally?"

B : Uh, no.

no neck...or all neck...

Tom : I thought of this deep question the other day. You know how people ask "which was first, the chook or the egg?" (Chook is Australian for chicken)

B : Yeah?

Tom : Well, so like snakes...where does their neck begin? Or are they all tail? But they can't be all tail because they have a mouth.

The art director named an acting art lead while he was away...

Tom to J: So you're like the art manager now?
J: No.
Tom: Well, If Jason is the King, then you're the Queen?
J: (outloud) /emote slap Tom.
Tom: Well, the vice president then?

-B

...okay...

Tom:I went to the bathroom...now my hand smells funny.

-B

Wow, she's green.

Tom:Wow, she's green

-B

...five minutes later...

Tom:Man she's ugly.

-B

I'm not playing with Barbies...

Tom works for a video game company.

Tom:You know what we need, we need children in our game so I can dress them up.
B:That's good Tom, at least you're going the right direction on that one. Good Tom.
Tom:What? Kids play with Barbie dolls and there's nothing wrong with that...
B:Tom, how old are you?
Tom:I'm not playing with Barbie dolls I'm playing with children!

-B