flathair

Tom to M : Do you use a straightening iron on your hair?

M : No, I just sleep on it.

Tom : I told R to use an iron on his pubic hair to see what happened.

helmet time

B : You were required to wear a helmet as a child?

Tom : No, it's when I was a child I used to run into things a lot and since my parents had to work in the factory they just put a helmet on me so when i ran into things I wouldn't kill myself. It was a blue helmet like a gridiron helmet but without the bars in front. I think there was a rabbit sticker on it. Or it could be ears. I remember the impression of a rabbit.

B : Did you ever run into anything without the helmet on?

Tom : No, but my sister nearly fell down the stairs. She was on the walking trainer and the baby sitter didn't see her and she almost fell down the stairs and that's what started the whole helmet thing.

Tom : I used to wear the helmet all day long and get very sweaty.

...

Tom : No, but i really do get turned on when i see sweaty side burns on girls. You know because girls have that soft furry bit and when I see sweat there I like it because it's so innocent.

pregnant is a state of mind...

Tom : I'm preparing for thursday.

M : I thought he said "preparing for birth."

Tom : In grade ten I was pregnant.

B : Would you care to elaborate, Tom?

Tom : Not physically, just mentally.

Tom : It's not like I had a child leeching onto my brain or anything.

... (Tom comes back trying to explain himself in a few minutes.)

Tom : Pregnancy is like a disability for a nine month period. It's like when you meditate and your brain shuts down.

B : ... Quoteville

treadmill fun

Tom : Hey, i have a quote for that blog thing...

B : Yes Tom?

Tom : You know how treadmills have that black part that goes around...

B : Rubber or whatever, conveyor belt, yes...

Tom : What if it was a persian rug?

B : I think you have a future in designing sports equipment for incredibly rich stupid people.

B2 : Paris Hilton?